The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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