My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Randomize
