Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
