mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
