we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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