Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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