dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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