i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
