Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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