How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
