I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
