I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
