brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
