Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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