I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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