so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
