Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
