There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
