I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
