Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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