90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
