sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
