I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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