I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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