My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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