Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
