Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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