I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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