My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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