i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
