i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
