and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Girls should come with a carfax report
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
