Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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