Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Your face is a jimmy john
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
