you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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