like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
