Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
