Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
