I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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