i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
