Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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