Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want to be your penis for a week.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
