Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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