her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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