But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
