I could have mohawked her pubes.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
