Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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