it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
