Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
