You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
