i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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