there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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