What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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