So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
