For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
