i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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