I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
