I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
