Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
