Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
