i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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