sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
