I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
