Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize