Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh god the rape fog is back!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
