my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
