Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
