It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
