If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
