I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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