My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
