Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
