If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
