dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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