So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
