She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
