im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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