hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
