He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
